Amurizon on Xanga

Weblog

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Finish

Hey what up y'all, I think I'm going to move on from here. Man, you've all been a great blessing to me. But after I canceled my Weaponlord account, things just haven't been the same... but it's probably more just that I'm growing out of this. Thanks to those of you who have been giving me feedback and checking up on me. You're special. I appreciate you.

I'm probably going to stick with Facebook Notes now... feel free to hook it up there. I feel like it's just more accessible there... and there's just been so many times where I type a Facebook note and then copy the exact same thing into here. Plus, the witnessing ability is bigger on Facebook, you just unlock your Notes and everyone can view them and let the good times roll, you know? You never know who you might be blessing with your insights, thoughts, experiences, troubles, struggles, and all that, when you just let things be public and don't worry about what humans think or do about you, but only what God thinks about you. I think there's a lot of blessing in that, and I think shifting over to Facebook will let me make the most of that.

Sorry to those of you who don't use Facebook (Donica). But we'll find other ways to stay in touch, for real. Alright y'all, it's been real good. God bless.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Blessings

These have been some blessed times. It blows my mind to think that God's love isn't based on how much I do for Him, or even how much good I do for myself - that is, even if I take of myself in the best way, or lower myself to the depths of wretchedness... His love is still the same! What an amazing mystery. And one I'm thankful for.

That brings into question, I guess: Does His grace change? I think that depends. It depends on if we seek to see His blessings on Earth with our eyes, or if we strive to see things His way, through His eyes. I think if the latter, then no, His grace doesn't change either. But then, how does this "hypothetical fact" (if we are entertaining various thoughts here) translate to the fact that we all are given such different circumstances? One person lives, while another dies before their time. One person indulges in drunkenness and escapes a self-caused car accident unscathed, while the innocent victim is paralyzed. If His love is the same and thus His grace is the same, how are these circumstances so different? Here, then, maybe I'm looking at this situation with my idea of justice, my contrived human concept of justice, where human beings are not all just sheep (as we are compared to our Shepherd), but instead we have a human-developed hierarchy where some sheep are more superior to other sheep - the good sheep are morally superior to the bad sheep and thus deserve better circumstances than the one above. But if we take a step back... "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." And because one God made all spiritual moral laws, breaking a "minor" one doesn't make you any better than one who broke a "major" one - we are both guilty, period. If that's the case... then the potter can really do what he wants with His clay - in one case, He breaks down his clay vase and starts the process over. In another case, it pleases Him to keep another vase standing without destroying it and starting over, even if it is a little lopsided.

I think we give God a lot of shit about this sort of thing in our lives, as a human race. But if you think about how we compare with God's majesty... you know, it's sort of like a college student is God, and all the term papers he writes are like us people. Then, he can delete or keep certain papers as he sees fit, and who can complain? In fact, those of us "fellow gods" who would be observing him would give him praise because he is refining his current papers. What do the opinions of the paper itself matter? Only the writer's thoughts and desires matter, because the term paper exists solely to please him, and to accomplish his ends, and give him the credit and glory (this is foolish talk because it's very arrogant from a human standpoint, but God is not a human, that we could possibly judge Him by the same standards). Then, what does it matter that the term paper likes a certain paragraph it contains, if the writer sees fit to revise it, or omit it entirely? Which one of us "fellow gods" (a.k.a. fellow students) would argue with the writer, even for an extended period of time? We would not, because it's his paper, and he does what he sees fit, and ultimately he makes his best effort. So it is with God and us, except God's best effort is perfection in action.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Surface Tension

I think one interesting thing about me is that just beneath the surface, I'm wound up pretty tight. What I'm saying is, if I can be measured in three layers, the uppermost layer I seem cool and calm, but in this second layer I'm really sort of anal about things - little things, like courtesies and chores and whatnot. Not that I do chores perfectly or I'm well organized by any means, but I find that a lot of us tend to have certain preferences and standards even if we don't always meet them ourselves. In any case, this last layer, the third one, the inmost one, is one of peace and calm, and that's a blessing from God. This whole analysis of myself really becomes apparent when you get to know me - when you first meet me, you have a certain impression of me that's brought on by encountering that first (topmost) layer of my personality. Then, as you get more familiar with me, you notice that there are certain things I seem worried about, more animated about, more excited about. That's when you realize that sometimes, you just can't get me to shut up! (I'm working on pausing more during conversations so people can interject more, haha.) But then, you get past that stage too, and you learn that God has blessed me with remarkable peace and comfort about the big things in life. I guess that makes me like a bowl of triple-layered nachos. Yum!

Sunday, 07 June 2009

:)

!!!

My friend just had a baby.

!!!

I'm so happy I'm bubbling.

!!!

I keep telling our roleplaying group I'm going to find the kid a stuffed Cthulu. I'm totally serious. Gotta start her off right, you know? ;) Heehee.

God bless Benjamin and Alison Wright!

Friday, 05 June 2009

Light is Light

I want to take a few moments to wish all the people that I've missed a Happy Birthday. I suppose my only excuse is that I think the birthday notification used to stick out more to me before, but now it doesn't as much (it's lower on the home page, so I usually miss it). Sorry to you all. Hope you all have had exciting (but safe) birthdays.

That thing in the back of my mind is still there, bothering me. I'm not quite sure what it is. It could be a lot of things. Recently, I have been sleeping well, but not long enough. Nevertheless, I'm learning to live by grace every day, and I want to be able to say that I was a positive contribution to someone's day at its end, regardless of how terrible my body might feel. It's tough work, learning not to cater to my feelings, and sometimes there's this pressure cooker sensation, that you're just ready to explode and lash out. Though we tend to try and resolve this situation by just pushing down on the lid harder, what we ought to do is find the things in life that can provide balance, that can cool off the steam. Sure tough to find that kind of thing, right?

Mentally, I'm living in some cloudy days. But the interesting thing is that even on a gray day, there's still light, isn't there? And there's a certain beauty to the heavy gray clouds, too. It just takes the right perspective to notice. I think that's profound. I think it speaks immeasurably to me, probably because I'm very visually oriented. I think in our lives we often focus on the dreariness of cloudy days, but neglect to remember that hey, when all is said and done, we can still see because there's still light. And that means that despite the dark times in our lives, there is always still light. In this world, even what is considered "pitch black"... isn't. That's spiritually profound to me.